I look at the hanging frame on my wall, trying to absorb the words so I can actually bring them to life, “She believed she could, so she did.” Yet, in every fiber of my body, I feel nothing but fear and utmost anxiety. Despite using all my strength to fight against the wave of panic descending over me, I feel my feet give way. My courage, determination, positive mindset and faith are about to be swallowed whole by a powerful vortex…a black wave of darkness. No amount of prayer or affirmations will stop me from falling in. The prospect of a hopeful future is becoming a bleak canvas of gray.
As I’m being pulled under and tumbled over, the voice of fear is screaming at me, “enough of the delusion!”, “get your head out of the clouds”, “stop pretending you know what you’re doing”, “you don’t deserve the success you want”, “you’re about to bring everyone down with you”, “you’ll fall on your face and make a fool of yourself and everything you ever stood for”, “you’re not smart enough to make the money you crave”, “your desire for that money is selfish and greedy”, “success belongs to others, not to you, you moron”, “wake the hell up and get a real job!”, “stick to the facts and be practical”, “stop dreaming – your fantasies are ridiculous”… My fear of failure has just reached climbed to epic proportions.
The descent under just gets darker, colder and scarier with each passing moment. I find myself drowning and my short reprieves of air at the surface are snatched away as I get sucked back down. In this place, there is no light. No hope. No comfort. Just a barrenness that is killing me. My soul is withering. Tears come…despair fills me…and my anger threatens to catapult me into a ball of fury. I question everything and curse God (or the Universe, if you prefer) for abandoning me in this moment. I am all alone and everyone can just fuck off, thank you very much.
However, as I sit in this place and suffocate in misery, I feel a tiny light inside of me start to appear. Initially, I try to squash it. “No more useless dreaming”, I tell myself. But as I try to extinguish the flame, my efforts only fuel it. No amount of blowing or stomping will get rid of it. And as it gets brighter and stronger, I begin to see with more clarity. The dark wave has descended and I catch a glimpse of red in the horizon, marking the sunrise.
I walk out of this place and my light returns in full force. As it grows stronger, I feel a new sense of resolve. My anger translates and directs itself to the dark force…how dare the devil bring me down? I may have been dragged under but I will not stay there. My experience of hell will fuel me to push harder. I am a force to be reckoned with. I am fuelled by a divine power that cannot be diminished. I have work to do. My life is not a mere tourist attraction nor a one-stop destination. It is a real and powerful journey and I was put here to make a profound difference. I am fuelled by inspiration; a calling from within. Sure, it won’t be easy. And yes, I’ll go under again. But don’t for one second think it will stop me!
Passion and purpose are utterly indestructible so long as you believe in your power and in the power of something bigger than you! Don’t be easily swallowed up by petty thinking or average expectations. YOU are meant for so much more! As a professional fall-the-hell-down-and-get-right-back-up’er, I’m here to help you. Contact me today.